My Snarky Pregnancy: People's Reactions
Oh, you never know what people are going to say. There are more idiots out there than you ever imagined. I promise you that. As you might have caught onto, I can be a tad cynical and love sarcasm. So some of my fave reactions (aside from the love and support from our immediate families) were the reactions from my extended family. There were those who were both tearful and funny, who high-fived me for my awful morning sickness and helped me to laugh at the curse of the rough pregnancy and crazy cravings that the ladies in my family are known for. Then there are the reactions that aren’t so awesome.
I know EVERYTHING there is to know about pregnancy and you are having a…
Do you even know how much your body is going to change?
Are you okay? Do you need water? Should you be in the sun/eat that/walk/fart/be awake right now? Do you need a giant women sized incubation chamber for the foreseeable future?
I think I can already see the belly!
Ahhhhh man. Congrats. But EVERYTHING is going to change now. Ugh
My response to #2 and #4 goes something like this: Fuck you. Okay, not quite, but that has been my internal response. #1 and 3 don’t bother me much so I am generally polite and stoic with my response.
Then comes number five. I think that this response says more about people than anything else. The fact that in the moment of learning that a friend, acquaintance, or family member is pregnant these individuals immediately consider NOT how the pregnant person is feeling but instead immediately worries about themselves reveals something painfully narcissistic about them.
What I want to respond with is a highly sarcastic “I am so sorry for making such an impact on your life. My swollen tits, expanding waist line, soon-to-be torn vagina and complete and total life overhaul is nothing is comparison to the fact that our weekends away and Saturday nights spent with you will no longer be potentially drunken shenanigans and late night bars. This must be a difficult time for you. Do you want to share my vomit bucket?”